Family call

Hello, hello. Nobody answered, i said to my husband hanging on the phone. A wrong number, surely, he said. Yes, it doesn’t matter, i told him while i turned the lights off trying to fall asleep. Ten minutes later the phone rang again. Hello, hello. Nobody answered again. I told you, a wrong number, just forget it, he said. Yes, you are right, i’m over, and the best thing i can do is to go to sleep immediately.

I tidied my body on the bed, and closed my eyes. But it wouldn’t be easy to reach the sleeping after those calls, and i knew that. Instead of sleeping i was keeping awake thinking about it. Should i say, thinking about the person who had phoned. It hadn’t been a wrong number as my husband had said. I was sure that something was wrong but in a different way.


I had a worst relationship with phone calls you had ever imagined for a long time. In spite of the fact that i was always trying to think, there was no reason for such a feeling, i went on getting nervous when the phone sounded. During ten years my telephone had rang calling for many emergency assistances. My mom’s illness and her death, her mom’s illness and death, and so on…Whatever was wrong, my phone used to ring immediately. It was very difficult to find good news by phone. So was to expect it. My father kept still alive insisting on calling me whenever family’s misfortune happened. He was the only person from my family who used to call me and that was the only reason he found to do it. But he didn’t use to call without telling me the message. Manners, maybe. So, he couldn’t be the person who had called. Thinking about all of that, at last i fell asleep, and had a dream.


I was at home with my husband and my son. Even though i didn’t see them, i knew they were there. Tom, a cousin of my husband was working in my bookcase, trying to put something right. He had left his cell phone on the living-room table. It began to ring. I answered the call -curious! I have said I hate phone calls. Anyway, the mother of my husband was at the other end. She had been talking with Tom, for sure, and she went on with their chat. She was complaining about something related with doctors, they hadn’t treated her in the right way. I asked her what she was talking about. When she realized she was talking with me she hung on immediately. So, i went where Tom was working and told him about the call. He said it seems she doesn’t love you. Yes, she doesn’t love me, of course- obvious comment!
I came back to the living room. It was full of people. Should i say familiar people. I knew everybody there. They had come to give me condolences because of my father death. There were some friends of my husband parents, some women who had been friends of my mother when she was alive and some old grand uncles. I said the living-room was completely full. Suddenly I remembered my grandma. I didn’t know anything about her. I asked an old aunt about her. She hadn’t talked with her. Nobody had talked with her. So i said, oh! she didn’t talk with anybody during the last twenty four hours, how is it possible? Obviously she was dead too.


I received the new about my father’s death by that phone call. The morning that followed my dream someone, at last, decided to leave me the message. I can’t remember who really was.


The fog of his presence would disappear sooner or later

Regular sunset

It was Saturday evening. People began to appear in the street. The stores were full of customers and day was coming to its end. He went through the neighborhood, the green court, as they used to call it.. A lot of jasmines were grown up in houses and streets during the years. So, the seasons of the years were marked by different fragrances, depending on if they had flowers or not. The smell changed during the year like the bright during the day.

He walked enjoying this usual landscape, without talking to anybody. He came across their neighbors and they exchanged glances. He & She, as they used to call them, were passing with their dog. It was a very big one, absolutely black with enormous threatening teeth. Everybody was around used to have friendly puppets, but He & She were different people or, just a little eccentrics.

A few minutes later he got in home. It was time to Jenny’s bath if she were there. But she wasn’t there. He turned in the leather couch and lighted some grass. Jenny loved water. The bath tub had to be full of water. Neither too hot, nor too cold. A lot of toys began to show up on the surface mixing themselves with bubbles. Many of them were damaged. Still she didn’t care about it. she really enjoyed the bath, keeping into the water for a long time, playing with his little broken dolls, dreaming awake with different imaginary worlds.

It looked as if the place had been covered with the ash of the time. The evening had broken in the house, changing brightness to darkness. His soul had got rid of the object he had made. His style seemed to be vanished. He tried to play his guitar, but when he began to put it in tune, the second string jumped and flow into the air. At last he played Closing Time, waiting Waits singing “when you are much older, remember when we sat, at midnight on the windowsill and have this little chat, and dream…come on and dream”. Suddenly he felt without air. He could feel his body as if it were trapped in a deep net.

The living room was in darkness. He turned the lights on. The silence there was as deep as the silence from his no-working TV. It was a black and white one. He had it since he was a kid and he had never taken care to fix it. Over the big scream there was a small picture. A kid around fourteen had taken it when he had gone to Amsterdam. He was standing at a pier, looking at the camera. He focused on the picture and he met himself young and cool. Suddenly he missed his long curled hair. Maybe if I try it on again… he thought.

Inside the living room the atmosphere became heavy. Dr. Lovesick had told him “your mind is full of words, you have to get rid of all of them”. The last ten days he had remained living his life in mute. So, when the bell of his house rang he felt a little upset. Two men in black suites, white shirt, short and tidy hairdressing, cheap shoes, definitely no tennis and a rigid unreasonable smile on their faces, were standing at the door. Both of them were holding the Holly Bible. Their speech sounded very weird. They told him that new age was coming, that God was everywhere, that if he wanted to change his wrecked life he had to pray, he had to know about difference between Heaven and Hell, he had to keep in touch with God.

Not even a single sigh came from him.

After that he locked the door. It wasn’t an easy work either. First of all he had to choose the right key. He had a lot of them. Old keys and new keys…Old places and new places…Even though many of them were completely unnecessary he kept them in his pocket. Whenever he wanted to throw one of them he found any reason to keep them on. So, every time he locked his door he had to spend time thinking what key was the right one. After that he had to check the right side of the key. His house’s key was very different than others. The usual mark inscription was at the back, so he had to introduce it as if he were doing it in the opposite way. Nevertheless it wasn’t enough to have the right key on the right side. On that moment he could obviously introduce it…but…to turn it over, it was something serious. If he wanted to do such kind of thing it would be necessary to do something else. Should I say something completely different. He had to introduce the key slowly, very slowly, pretending not to shake at all. So, with his left leg, he had to kick the wooden door until he could hear the click of the lock. When it happened he could be sure to turn over the key. Many times he ended with something like “this fucking door”, or something like that. Of course it wasn’t so necessary, in some sense. 

Tom Waits´s Midnight Lullaby
and at last it could be possible to hear the song. Turn it on, please, if you want...

Ann & Tim

                                                                       
Ann was watching TV at home when suddenly the phone rang. Hello? Hello, how are you? Oh, fine. What about you? Fine too. What are you doing? Nothing, you know. Are you alone? Yes, and what about you? I was thinking to see you. What about hanging over together? Yes, why not? OK, so i m going to pick you up in twenty minutes.. Ok, see you later.

Ann took a quick shower, changed her clothes, she was ready when Tim called the door. Nice shirt. Do you think so? What are we gonna do? I don’t know. Do you want to go to a bar? I don’t know. Well, there are some possibilities, you know. We can go somewhere or we can go to my house, there is nothing really special there, you know, but it could be cool…

They got in his car and rode to his home. As always they talked about job, friends, lovers and this kind of things that can be talked by two close friends. They were such kind of friends. They had met ten years before and they loved each other in a special way. They had never had more than a friendly relationship, but they had such kind of intimacy. So, they went on talking about their lives when they went inside Tim’s flat.

Ann knew it. It was a nice little place. The necessary things were there and also a little more. Tim had taken his time in its deco and he had obtained a good result. He had everything in the right place. Everything was so tidy and so clean that she felt well in that place. Even though it was not her own place she could feel as if she were in it. She took off her shoes and played the White Album. Beatles were friends as well.

Tim put two glasses over the small table and poured the pinot noire. Do you want anything to eat? Of course she was not going to eat anything. When she drank a good wine she preferred to do it without meals. She liked to drink slowly, feeling the pure taste going through her throat. She used to do it in spite of the bad consequences that it could have. She knew perfectly she could end the night in a bed that was not the right one. She knew it. She knew the effects that wine could have in her mind. As long as she drank in that way something like that could happen. At those times she could feel her mind more open than usually. Also her feelings. So, it was easy to do something wrong.

No, i don’t want anything.

They kept drinking until the bottle was empty. How sad! We don’t have more wine, what are we going to do now?, Ann laughed while she turned on the black sofa, closing her eyes. Don’t do it!, please. Just relax, man, i need a rest.

The world had begun to go around her head. At first, slowly, but, a few minutes later it was doing it quickly. Ann wanted to open her eyes but she was afraid to fall deeper. She wanted to stop it but in spite of her efforts she couldn’t do it.

What’s going on? Are you falling asleep? His voice seemed to come from a further place. Ann kept in silence. Not even a single word came from her mouth. He leaned his beard on her belly and closed his eyes too. Unexpected kind of feelings began to rising between them.

Ann opened her eyes and realized she was absolutely drunk. Nevertheless she went on the stuff. Suddenly she felt like having go to a bathroom. She had drunk a lot. She went in, and, before closing the door she began to feel sick. Her stomach was turned. In spite of her intentions she couldn’t stop throwing up everything she had drunk before. When she ended she tried to clean up the place. It wasn’t very easy. It was completely dirty. Still she did it as she could.

What’s going on? Nothing really special, you know…turning in the sofa, closing her eyes, beginning to fall asleep, deeply.

You

Where are you? Please, stop playing hide and seek…Come on…just come on, please. Let me tell you something. There are a lot of things i wish to tell you. I would like to explain so many things. But, how can i do it in a right way? Surely you don’t know anything about it. Should i say what the meaning i am talking about really is. Oh! What are you doing now? Just listen to me. Are you worried about anything? Do you feel bad? You seem as if you were in another world. Do you? Come on, please…watch me out… I want another kind of relationship between us. I hope we can spend more time together in a pretty different way. Can you understand me? Why are you always looking at me with non-understanding eyes? Well…I shouldn’t be surprised about it. As always it seems as if you never took care of anything. How can you live like that? I supposed it wasn’t possible since i knew you. Because of that, maybe, sometimes i would like to be in your place. Yes, i have to admit it. When i see you living this kind of life, every time laying on the sofa, or eating or playing with something i want to be like you. I could try to do it but i can’t be sure about if i could succeed with my challenge. So, despite the fact that i can do my best efforts, i don’t know…we are so different, you know…I’m not ready to take such a decision. Nevertheless, in some sense sometimes i feel very similar to you. When i feel alone in the whole world, doing without everything, keeping in silence for a long time, keeping in touch with my own mind, i guess we aren’t as different as we can imagine. No please! Don’t leave me alone in this moment! Please, come back and sit close to me. i need to feel you are with me. I perfectly know you are not interested in what i’m telling but i need to do it. I just want to go on with my speech. Please, put your willings away during this time. I will try not to turn myself boring. It is a promise, isn’t it? What another thing do you need now? I think you have everything you want, however you seem so nervous now. Suddenly you got rid of your usual calm. What’s the matter with you? Whenever i want something, you decide to change the way. Are you listening to me? Oh! Stop doing it! Stop it! Just relax…

Do you want anything to eat? Well I’ll give you something…Oh! Surely your face is changing now…This is the power of food. Don’t you think so? It is amazing! Someday i will prepare a big party for you. I hope to do it. This day we are going to clean the house up. To tidy everything up. I wish you would be glad about it. I love parties. In spite of the efforts it means it is wonderful to spend a happy time with others. So that day i will prepare a special meal to you. Do you know what you will want to eat in that occasion? Well, take it easy…you can think about it. You have time. When you know about your choice you have to tell me…Do you have a favorite meal? Many people have one. I can’t understand it, but sometimes it happens. It is unbelievable, isn’t it? I think you agree with me, you always eat the same, don’t you? Are you over with it? I don’t think so. Many years ago something like that happened to me. I could spend a long time eating the same meal. I had my periods, of course. I want to say when i met something i liked i kept eating it until i got tired to do it. So, tomatoes period; pumpkins period; chickens period; cheeses period; it could have been the story of my life. It had been funny, hadn’t it? But suddenly something changed. I never knew the real reason but my meal- periods vanished like air in the wind. At first i was afraid to vanish with the matter of meal. I didn’t know how i could live without it. I was not hungry at all. I didn’t take care about meals. And, at last, i began to feel sick. Life was turning to an awful thing. An absolutely non-sense thing. I had lost interest in everything. I could turn in all the day long and generally I fell asleep. When I was sleeping, i remember, i used to dream with enormous pieces of meats that were running into me. When i woke up i couldn’t be sure about if it had been a dream or not. Life was going on this way and i just kept in touching with my dreams. Sometimes i woke up stronger than the day before. When it happened, i guessed, i was able to find my old life again. Unfortunately this kind of feeling didn’t last very much. Generally something different took up the scene that showed me i was wrong. Something like another kind or dream, i mean.

When someone is living this kind of experience, terrible things can be up. Something has to end with the hopeless. Luckily it happened.

In those days i couldn’t put up with the situation anymore. Everything i had loved and liked had disappeared. I felt another person, but i didn’t know who i was yet. So life was going by separately from me.

I was living, of course, but without any consciousness i was doing it. I have to say i felt rare, i was feeling like a strange man. And, i was one. I told you i couldn’t eat anything and, at last i couldn’t sleep either. My dreams…oh! my terrible dreams were not there any longer. I kept all day long thinking the matter about. I couldn’t find an answer for this situation until my body came to help me. Of course at first i couldn’t understand it, but, at the end the stuff was as clear as water. Let me tell you how it happened. Maybe you are going to think i was crazy, but, if you listen to me, you’ll understand it was not the case. Craziness is an absolutely another thing. I’m talking about real things, things that happened actually. They are not fantastic ideas or dreams or feelings. It is not about the mind of a man can create. It is not about what a desperate man can imagine. Never mind! I was not crazy at all! I was living a strange experience in some sense, but this kind of things can happen to every common man. Common men like me or someone else. This is the truth and you should know it. And if you want to know the real meaning of my experience, just listen to me…please.

I told you my body helped me a lot. Should i say, my body had begun to live in a separate way. I was listening to some rare noises which were coming from my stomach. I guessed it was caused because i had stopped eating. But one day i could realize they weren´t simple “noises”, you know. I mean, if i heard them carefully I could hear clear words coming from there. So i began to pay attention because i was sure there was a secret message i had to know. During some weeks i kept on watching it out. I couldn´t do another thing except to try to understand what it was telling me. It was not an easy work. The noises from the street were bothering me. I closed every window carefully, but it wasn´t enough. My neighbours, pretending to help me, had begun to whisper beside the walls of my flat. What could i do then? They were decided to wreck my life, evidently. The most silent room of my apartment was my small kitchen. It´s unbelievable what a man has to learn to live his own life. So i just moved everything i needed there. My bed, some clothes and also a table lamp. Nevertheless i should say they weren´t as necessary as i had supposed. In spite of this fact i felt a little better with that new situation. In a complete silence i would listen to my stomach perfectly. Other silent days went by until the first message was said.

“With nothing”, were its first words. I was sure it had said it to me. But, what did it mean? Suddenly I had no doubts. I had to throw everything. And i did it. I took all my furniture and i got rid of them. I don’t remember the way i did it, but i remember the empty flat, i can still watch myself, sitting on the wooden floor, among nothing except you. You…my little puppy. You remained alive despite the fact that i never took care of you in those days.

You…what can I say about you? You, my best partner, sweet little thing, i love you so much…and i loved you a lot then. I miss you. I miss your bright eyes, your innocent face, your beautiful body… I also miss your company, your silent presence, your wise existence. How could you leave me alone? How could it happen? I remember those beautiful days. Both, you and me, keeping in touch, together. I had thought that was the solution for all my troubles. So, after having thrown everything, i kept there enjoying my new silence life. But that new situation didn’t last as long as i had guessed. After some days, those familiar words showed up again. At first i couldn’t understand what was happening. I had done what i had to do…So, what did they really want? Had i understood the message? If it was going on, i had not done it in a right way. I kept close to my stomach, listening to it carefully, i would have even stopped breathing if i had had the power to do it. With such a kind of efforts i was in an almost complete silence. Even though i remained waiting, i began to lose my hope. Meanwhile i began to feel weak, my forces had vanished, i was desperate. I hardly had air when the message was said again. I was right. I hadn’t heard right. Instead of “with nothing” it had said “eat roughing…”.It had been enough. I didn’t need more explanation. I understood immediately. I understood everything. I had not even a little doubt.

The taste was not what i had expected. Maybe because of my empty stomach; or maybe because i had never prepared that kind of meal before. I don’t know. I did my best efforts to cook you in a right way. Whatever! The fact is i ate everything despite that awful taste. Suddenly the words had disappeared. A few minutes later i could feel an amazing sensation. I was free and i could feel alive, at last.